"The summer of 2011 was really bright! And autumn promised to be even brighter. There were so many events and even more plans. Adventures have always been in my blood.
So in 2011 I was on vacation in the USA and spent my time extremely actively: riding horses (trot and gallop in the mandatory program), swimming back and forth across the lake (naturally, racing), trying boogie board (when the waves are higher than you - it's a lot of fun!), playing football, volleyball, tennis, bowling, mastering the stilts (I almost got it), walking through beautiful American forests, dragging heavy equipment around the city (reasonable prices in the States, and I was always greedy for buying cameras, video cameras and tripods ...) and I practically did not sleep. Returning to Russia also promised many more adventures. I firmly decided to do acrobatics and jump with a parachute. However, life had other plans for me.
The fact is, the football, the horses, and the boogie board were activities that were all accompanied by a terrible headache, numbness of the limbs, severe bleeding of the gums and blackening huge bruises appearing for no apparent reason. I remember good American citizens coming up to me on the street and asking if they needed to call social services "Are you sure your parents don't beat you? Are you all right, girl?" I just smiled back. Am I doing well? Everything is fine!
However, the appearance of bruises became more frequent and the headaches were debilitating. In the morning I woke up on a red pillow with blood from my mouth. I began to be afraid.
American doctors, after examining me, advised me to see a doctor again upon my return to my homeland. The fact that I was going to fly back only in two weeks was of little interest to them. But I couldn't stand it. Two weeks seemed too long for me. I changed my tickets and arrived in Moscow on September 20. It was my little sister's birthday, and we had a magical time with the whole family! I went to bed with a smile: I'm at home. My parents are nearby, and I will fall asleep in my bed. Now everything will definitely be fine!
However, in the morning I almost choked on my blood again. And my mother and I went to the NMRC for Hematology at Dinamo.
Don't ask me why we went specifically there! My mother is a very smart woman in her decision to take me to the NMRC for Hematology. Women's intuition, love for her daughter, rich life experience and accumulated knowledge merged together to make this decision. I, however, did not yet realize that this gloomy old building would become my salvation. I had planned to have time at the institute on that fateful Monday.
After waiting in line for a while, I went into the waiting room, showed the doctor my bruises and gums... and was rewarded with such a surprised and frightened look from the doctor that I was taken aback: it seemed to me that the doctors had already seen everything that they needed to see.
Later, it’s as if I were in a fog. They hospitalized me urgently. I was trying to joke: is it contagious? No, it's very dangerous. I remember the first days in the hospital from the stories of my parents. The body, which had been holding up until that moment, finally could not stand it — I passed out. I only remember the constant headache and how my toes strained when the needle pierced the veins: not once, not twice, but dozens.
It was later that I found out my diagnosis, almost by accident. Leukemia. And what is it? This leukemia. Here's something more familiar... For my entire life leukemia seemed like the scariest thing in the world. That if you merely pronounce the word, you would immediately die.
But no. I checked.
One day one of my friends asked: do you have cancer? I was confused, but it turned out that leukemia is really called cancer. Well, what can you do? Cancer means cancer. Leukemia. Acute promyelocytic leukemia. Now I can even say it quickly and without hesitation.
By the way, I was not diagnosed immediately. While I was in a state close to a coma, I had little interest in what I was sick with, but the doctors carefully examined my tests, trying to find something out. The fact that I'm still alive is truly a miracle. They found out right away. You know, in the blood of every person there are various elements responsible for a particular function of the body's life. So, red blood cells carry oxygen through the blood. White blood cells are responsible for immunity and protection from infections. And platelets allow blood to clot. The lower limit of the norm of platelets in a healthy person is 180 units. At the time of my arrival at the NMRC for Hematology, the leukocyte level in my blood was... 5 units. Five! The eight-hour flight from the States was supposed to end with a brain hemorrhage for me, but the Lord protected me, and I physically felt it!
On the very first day, without knowing the diagnosis, the doctors "hit" me with a round of chemotherapy. In total, I had 4 courses of chemo. I endured them in an unimportant and unusual way. For example, sepsis or blood poisoning, if I were to speak in a more understandable language. Usually, with sepsis, the organs are damaged symmetrically: if the right hand hurts, the left does too. During the blood poisoning, only my left leg swelled and throbbed with terrible pain, but the left one hurt so much that I started twitching when someone just came up to the bed. What if someone accidentally touched the headboard of the bed, making the bed sway slightly? Would I lose consciousness from the pain?
Yes, I fainted. It was generally my favorite activity, especially at a temperature of 41.5 ... A mandatory program instead of the trot and gallop!
I read "The Land of Crimson Clouds" by the Strugatsky brothers and was inspired by the courage of Soviet spacemen. Just like me, they struggled through pain and weakness. They wanted to eat, drink, sleep, but there was only the hot desert of Venus around them, and death. And I was sitting in a comfortable room, with my mother, food and water. There is only life ahead. What right did I have to whine? After all, I was supported by my parents, relatives, friends and faith in the intercession of the Lord. Admittedly, it got to be so bad that I wanted to spit on everything and shout: fool, damn you, you won! However, I immediately pulled myself together, recalled the words of Voltaire, who said that everything was going for the best in this best of worlds, and tried to behave like Polyanna from the book of the same title.
You have no idea how many positive aspects can be found in the treatment of a serious illness. I'm already silent about the banal "how cool to shave" (this goes without saying, especially for a girl with a perfect skull shape). I got really hooked on shaving and already voluntarily exposed my skull even after high-dose chemo courses. In addition to the new image, I acquired a lot of precious interesting friends in the hospital who also influenced my future life. They would arrange real miracles for the girl locked in the four walls of a box. I was once again convinced that my friends are the most sympathetic and selfless people in the universe, and even more, I learned to appreciate and love strangers. I even managed to boost my self-esteem by lying like a dead fish without hair in a hospital bed! After all, let me brag a little, such bright personalities came to donate blood, for example, the production designer of Cirque du Soleil performances, Pavel Brun; the famous traveler, Fyodor Konyukhov; a man who crossed oceans alone, a fighter, actor and just a good person (and at the same time the bell ringer in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior), Sergey Badyuk; participants of the folklore ensemble "Zlatna Kapija"; and also the biker group "Steppenwolf" with the whole gang! It’s hard to imagine that the blood of a steppenwolf is flowing through me now…..
I am incredibly grateful to all of the donors who came to give me fresh blood. I am grateful to the Gift of Life Foundation, which got rare and expensive antibiotics for me, which pulled me in the right direction when I was on the verge of death, and to all sympathizers who responded to my hospital adventures with a kind word. There, in the hospital, this word warmed and protected me, along with medications, a positive mood and the intercession of God.
But I think no one will be offended if I say that I feel the brightest gratitude towards my family: mom, dad and two sisters, who with disarming self-sacrifice turned all of their attention to, ahem, excuse me. And, of course, in relation to my attending physician, Nina I. Shaforostova, who literally saved my life, not only with her high level of skill and professionalism, but also with sincere care!
Now, in the spring of 2015, looking back, I have no regrets.
Tell me, how could I have gained this most valuable life experience if I hadn't gotten sick with leukemia? The eventful summer was replaced by the same amazing autumn and winter: a couple of crazy nights under the influence of narcotic painkillers (nothing helped with sepsis), four catheter stitches, several dozen punctures and trepanobiopsy (I'm really not afraid of anything anymore), a hundred days and nights frightening with uncertainty and pain, about five hundred injections into a vein (and at the age of seven I fainted when I was injected with a vein, that's what a weakling I was) and thousands of the most pleasant acquaintances! And one very important realization: cancer is not as terrible as it is painted out to be!
After achieving remission, I can once again return to my bright fulfilling life ! Again, I will return to horseback riding, swimming, photography, heavy equipment, football, volleyball, tennis and walking in the woods. Only now the list has been replenished with a couple of items. Firstly, work in the studio "I will live", which provides various support to cancer patients and people who have experienced this disease indirectly. Having experienced cancer once, you stop considering it as something distant and unfamiliar. Empathy and the desire to share your knowledge and experience are the most valuable gained qualities. Well, in small things: I tried and fell in love with hockey, and everyone notes that I play rough and prefer to board rather than circle. I'm learning to throw an axe. I got carried away with DIY and design. I sing in a folklore ensemble and I shoot for pleasure- from a pistol, from a slingshot, and from a bow.
You know, I think it's in the blood. In the blood of Badyuk, Konyukhov, Brun, folklorists and bikers. It's in my blood."
Masha Popova
